In Praise of Silent Movies, or Shut Your Big Mouth

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books, humor, movies, rant, The Artist, The Descendants

Copyright The Weinstein Company

Movies are awesome…

I love movies. They can be visually stunning, intellectually stimulating, and just plain old fun. There is nothing quite like the experience of standing in line for your ticket, getting snacks, finding your seat, checking your watch repeatedly to see how soon the movie will start, and then getting that little jolt of anticipation as the lights dim for previews. The movies return us all to the imaginative days of childhood, when we could ignore the world around us and be mesmerized by an engaging story. Unfortunately, many movie goers are apparently transformed into children in another way– lack of manners. This is not a post all about how incredible silent movies are. This is a post about how annoying unsilent movie theaters are.

This week I saw two movies in theaters: The Artist and The Descendants. Both were absolutely outstanding. The Artist was clearly deserving of the best picture Oscar, and Jean Dujardin’s acting is some of the best I have ever seen in recent memory. The Descendants was poignant and entertaining, and George Clooney remains one of my favorite actors of the past few decades. If only the movies were being considered, I would have a tough time choosing which I enjoyed more. The movie-going experience was very different between the two.

Copyright Fox Searchlight Pictures

…but shut up!

I saw The Artist in the middle of a weekday, in a theater that was nearly completely empty. The three other people in the theater were very quiet, and I can’t remember hearing a sound that didn’t come from the movie for the entire two hours of the film. That was an especially important detail as the The Artist is largely a silent film. My wife and I saw The Descendants during the evening, in a surprisingly crowded theater for a movie released months ago. The noise was unbelievable, and the experience was much less enjoyable as a result. For that reason, I have crafted a list of guidelines for moviegoers who might forget the laws of decency.

• Don’t let your snacks become a distraction. Before the movie even began we noticed a strange rhythmic sound, something akin to an army of caterpillars devouring the produce section at a grocery store. It was the popcorn chew. I’m not sure if people were chewing with their mouths open or if the popcorn was plated in aluminum foil, but the volume was ridiculous. This rule also applies to those of you rustling your candy wrappers or shaking your box of Junior Mints to get the last few stragglers that escaped the vacuum that is your mouth.
• TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE!!! I can feel my blood pressure spiking as I type this rule. I understand that when cell phones were new, you might occasionally forget to turn them off. That excuse died more than a decade ago. How many times does the theater have to play the request to turn off cell phones for it to penetrate your thick skull? I could even be forgiving if it rang and you immediately silenced it and turned it off. What I can’t forgive is the lady sitting behind us last night who answered her phone and proceeded to talk on it. It is a minor miracle that I am not on trial for cellular homicide.
• Keep Your Reactions to Yourself. Part of the fun of movies is allowing yourself to be taken in by the world on the screen. Movies engage your emotions and can evoke strong reactions. I get it. If you get scared, gasp. If you think something is beautiful, murmur admiration. If something is funny, laugh. That does not mean you should repeat your reaction ten times (I am talking about you, lady who said a dozen ‘Wows’ every time there was a shot of Hawaiian scenery). That does not mean you should repeat the joke or discuss with your companion how scared you were, especially not at your normal speaking volume!
• React appropriately. This is an addendum to the previous rule. I recognize that we don’t all react to the same scene in the same way. What I find funny might not amuse you, and what you find sad might not seem so touching to me. That said, it is not difficult to recognize moments that are meant to be sad. Do not ruin them by reacting inappropriately. For example, there was a heartbreaking scene in The Descendants in which one character gives a very emotional speech to a woman in a coma (I won’t ruin it with specifics). In the middle of the speech, the camera cuts to the woman in the coma. Her eyes are closed, her mouth is open, her cheeks are sunken, and she looks every bit the part of a brain-dead patient. It was extremely sad. Half of the audience laughed at the dying woman’s appearance. REALLY?! YOUR ONLY REACTION TO SEEING A PERSON BARE THEIR SOUL TO A DYING WOMAN IS TO LAUGH BECAUSE THE COMA PATIENT LOOKS STRANGE?! If that wasn’t bad enough, soon after that scene the dying woman’s husband says his goodbye. After speaking to his dying wife, he leans in and kisses her on the lips. This touching gesture was greeted by a chorus of “EWWS!” If you can’t contain your childish reaction, then don’t go see a movie that requires adult emotional responses. Stick to Michael Bay’s special effects spectaculars, there is much less thinking involved.
• Do not finish the lines for the actors. I go to the movies to see good actors reciting well-crafted dialogue. I do not want to hear you finishing lines with what you either expect the actor to say or wish they would say. The Descendants won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. If memory serves, you weren’t one of the people who accepted that trophy, lady sitting down the row from us. It is a very simple rule: SHUT UP DURING THE MOVIE!!!

In case you didn’t notice, I am a little bit irritated. Call me old-fashioned, call me grumpy, or call me unreasonable. Whatever you call me, wait until after the movie to open your trap! Here endeth the rant.

#75: 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke

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100 books, book review, books, literature, movies, Science Fiction

At long last, here is my final review from 2011.  Arthur C. Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey is an unusual book.  It came out after the movie of the same name, but is not a novelization or adaptation of the movie.  It was written by Clarke at the same time that he and Stanley Kubrick were developing the screenplay for the film.  Kubrick wanted Clarke to develop depth for the story, which would help him make decisions regarding how he would shoot the film.

The film version of 2001 is one of my all-time favorite movies.  The effects are groundbreaking and Kubrick is one of the greatest visual storytellers the world has ever known.  The film is also perplexing.  It is the cinematic equivalent of Hemingway’s iceberg method, with ten percent of the story visible.  Clarke’s novel helps to provide context.  It is a good read, but is most enjoyable as an addition to the film.

The Final Count:

75 Read, 25 To Go

#73: The Road by Cormac McCarthy

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100 books, book review, books, literature

For my seventy-third book I chose The Road by Cormac McCarthy.  I saw the film version of this novel in theaters a few years ago and was blown away.  The movie inspired me to read the novel, and only two short years later I finally did so.

The Road tells the story of a father and son struggling to survive in a post-apocalyptic world.  Some unknown cataclysm has wiped out most of the life on Earth and destroyed civilization.  Most of the few remaining humans have resorted to cannibalism.  The father struggles to keep both his son and his belief in goodness alive.  He recognizes that they will not survive another winter in their current location, and the two begin to travel along the empty roads towards the sea.  Along the way they encounter scenes that show how far mankind has descended into barbarism.  They reach the sea but their situation does not improve.  The father eventually dies, leaving the boy alone.  Another man, with a wife and two children, convinces the boy that he is also one of the good guys.  The novel closes with the boy joining this family, but keeping the memory of his father alive.

This book is amazing.  It is a powerful story of filial love and paternal devotion.  McCarthy’s prose is as bare as the landscape it depicts, giving it a style reminiscent of Hemingway.  The two main characters are referred to in the third person throughout, known only as ‘the man’ or ‘the father’ and ‘the boy’ or ‘the son’.  This highlights both the loss of social identity with the downfall of society and the universality of parental love.  The Road is a quick read and is incredibly engrossing.  This is easily one of the best books I have ever read, and I cannot recommend it enough.

The Current Count:

73 Read, 27 To Go

#69: Master and Commander by Patrick O’Brian

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100 books, book review, books, history, literature, movies

Here is a little known fact about me: For as long as I can remember, I have harbored a secret desire to be a sailor.  Not in today’s Navy.  I want to be a sailor in the early 1800’s, when a sailor was called that because his ship actually had sails.  You might have noticed that I am a tad unusual.  Another unusual fact: I have a man-crush on Russell Crowe.  I don’t know why, but I love the guy.  In 2003 those two facts about me collided in one glorious cinematic production entitled “Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World”.  I love that movie like few others.  It is one of three that remain in my five disc DVD changer (the others are “Lawrence of Arabia” and “Gladiator”).

The movie “Master and Commander” is based on several books in a series of twenty novels by Patrick O’Brian.  I read the first few books in college but had little hope of acquiring all twenty until in 2007 my dear sweet mother gave me one of my all-time favorite Christmas gifts: The Complete Aubrey/Maturin Novels.  The first novel in the series is (not surprisingly) Master and Commander.  This book introduces the reader to Jack Aubrey of the Royal Navy and Dr. Stephen Maturin.  Aubrey is a young officer seeking advancement through the ranks of the Royal Navy in the Napoleonic Wars.  He receives a promotion to Master and Commander, in command of his own ship.  He recruits the indigent Dr. Maturin as ship’s surgeon and the two develop a close friendship.  Aubrey leads his small sloop, the fourteen-gun Sophie on a cruise along the Spanish coast, wreaking havoc on the coastal trade and earning a reputation for luck in taking prizes.

This success makes Aubrey a target for the Spanish Navy, which assigns a 32-gun xebec frigate the task of capturing the nuisance.  When the two ships cross paths, Aubrey manages to lead the Sophie to victory and capture the much larger Spanish vessel.  Unfortunately, Aubrey’s success with the wife of the Commandant of his home port robs him of the glory and promotion that should accompany his impressive victory.  Instead, Aubrey and the Sophie are given orders to escort a slow vessel carrying mail.  Along the way, the Sophie is captured by a French squadron and Aubrey and Maturin taken prisoner.  They are paroled, but miss out on participating in the Battle of Algeciras.  The book closes with Aubrey being cleared of any fault in the loss of his vessel and being returned to active duty.

I cannot say enough how much I love Master and Commander.  It is thoroughly enjoyable as a single novel, and introduces one of the greatest literary series ever written.  O’Brian evokes the atmosphere of the Napoleonic wars with a vividness and authenticity that is incredible.  His mastery of naval jargon is impressive, and the reader is instantly hooked.  I am admittedly a huge nerd, but when I read O’Brian’s writing, I find my inner voice narrating my own life with the accent and vocabulary of a British sailor.  If you enjoy historical fiction that is action-packed and wonderfully written, read Master and Commander.

The Current Count:

69 Read, 31 To Go

Page to Screen: Lawrence of Arabia

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Arabia, book review, books, history, Lawrence of Arabia, movies

Today I inaugurate a new series– Page to Screen.  In these posts I will look at classic books that have been made into movies and cinematic masterworks that began as books.  For the first installment, I have selected one of my all time favorite movies– Lawrence of Arabia.

The Background 

Thomas Edward Lawrence began World War I as a minor officer assigned to the British Army staff at Cairo.  Due to his expert knowledge of Arabian language and culture, Lawrence was assigned as an adviser to the Arab uprising against the Turkish Empire led by Emir Feisal, a son of the Sherif of Mecca.  Although under Feisal’s nominal command, Lawrence was the operational leader of the revolt.  Under his guidance, the Arabs successfully waged a wide-ranging guerilla campaign against the Turks.  Lawrence eventually led the Arabs in the capture of Damascus.  An ambitious American journalist publicized Lawrence’s exploits, making him a hero celebrated around the world.

The Movie

Few films have achieved the popular and critical acclaim enjoyed by Lawrence of Arabia.  The American Film Institute listed Lawrence as the #5 film of all time on its 1998 100 Years… 100 Movies list, and at #7 on the 2007 list.  This movie is widely acknowledged as one of the greatest cinematic productions of all time, and deservedly so.  David Lean’s direction manages to convey both the underlying desperation of the Arab revolt and the dynamic relationships between the main characters built on bravado in the face of that desperation.  Some directors are too heavy-handed with their actors, leading to films that seem less than natural.  Lean avoids this pitfall and the result is marvelous.  He is helped in this regard by a truly incredible cast.

Peter O’Toole

Peter O’Toole is phenomenal as the complicated Lawrence.  His Lawrence is charming and intelligent, bold and courageous on the one hand, while painfully lonely and uncertain about his abilities on the other.  O’Toole portrays a real man in all of his complexity rather than a heroic caricature.  The other actors are equally wonderful.  Omar Sharif is the handsome and earnest Sherif Ali, while Anthony Quinn is the combative and rugged Auda abu Tayi.  Both performances rank among the all-time greats.  Again we see real people on the screen where lesser actors would have offered mere character sketches.  Finally, Alec Guinness as Prince Feisal brings a dignity and gravitas to a role that could have been forgettable in less capable hands. 

The cinematography and the score push the movie into the cinematic elite.  The film is visually stunning, with the camera work highlighting the desolate beauty of the desert landscape.  Maurice Jarre’s score adds to the emotional impact without distracting from those stunning visuals.  The soundtrack has a signature melody that is instantly recognizable.  The script simplifies and combines many of the historical characters and events involved, but perfectly captures the spirit of Lawrence and his enterprise.

To be fair, this movie is very long and moves slowly at times.  If you aren’t the type to appreciate long, artistic landscape shots to set the scene for later action, you will want the remote nearby to fast forward through a few sections.  That said, SEE THIS MOVIE!!!  It is everything that a historical epic should be, and few other movies come close.

The Book

Compared to the tremendous popularity of the film, the book behind the movie is relatively unknown.  T.E. Lawrence was encouraged by many friends and admirers to write his own account of the Arab uprising against the Turks.  The result was Seven Pillars of Wisdom.  This book is one of the most remarkable pieces of writing that I have ever encountered.  Part history and part autobiography.  Part novel and part philosophical treatise.  Part anthropological study and part guerilla warfare handbook.  Part travel guide and part confession.  This book is as complicated as its author.

Lawrence has a wonderful gift for capturing landscapes and personalities but is often extremely verbose.  The result is a captivating book that is very, very long and very, very detailed.  If you think the long desert shots in the movie were tiresome, try reading fifty pages describing those same scenes.  The prose is beautiful and the descriptions are evocative.  The problem is that Lawrence describes every journey in this detail, and every lava formation, and every canyon.  The action scenes are better, with Lawrence conveying the emotions that accompanied his various triumphs and setbacks with sincerity and grace.  His cultural analysis of the Arabs and their various religious and tribal associations is insightful and useful reading in a world so focused on Middle Eastern tensions. 

The downside to this book is its length.  At nearly 700 very large pages, it is quite an undertaking.  Lawrence’s writing is not conducive to burning through the pages.  Ultimately, I would recommend this book to anyone seriously interested in Lawrence or Arabia in general, but not if you are looking for a casual read.  The abridged Revolt in the Desert would be a better idea for the casual reader.  If you do choose to read this book, try to find an old copy.  The newer paperback editions are fine, but the old hardback has a heft to it that seems appropriate to the subject.  The text is accompanied by some great illustrations that really add to the reading experience.  My own worn copy is pictured above, and it is one of my favorite old books.

My Pick: The Movie

In the end, I would have to choose the movie over the book.  I loved reading Lawrence’s account, but it took me over a month to get through it.  The movie is truly a masterpiece.  The directing, the acting, and the cinematography are unbelievable.  If you have never seen it, rent it today!

Awesome Movie Game!

Tags

games, movies

I am still alive, studying hard for Jeopardy and slowly working my way through book 32.  I will get my pace back on track after my audition and will return to posting reviews regularly.  In the meantime, here is a link to a very fun movie game, Clockbusters.  My wife came across this game and showed it to me, and now I pass that gift on to my faithful readers.  You are given three pictures and have to guess the movies to which they refer.  I got 47 out of 50 on the original, and then thought of two more on my second try (I had to cheat to get #50).  On the sequel, I got 46 the first time and added one more on the next try (and cheated to get the rest).  Give it a try!